i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
