He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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