he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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