I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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