Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
