Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
