how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
