I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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