I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
