I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
