she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
