The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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