Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
