People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
