Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
