I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
