I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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