chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just found puke in my bra..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
