tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
