Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
