after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Damn victory sex feels great
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
