I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
