i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
