if you like me you must not know who I am
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize