Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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