I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
