Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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