Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
