Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
