That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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