Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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