I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
