I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
