I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
