It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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