you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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