For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
