Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
