The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
