hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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