I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
