Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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