Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So vagazzling was a success
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
