I wish you could order shots online.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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