i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
