I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
