Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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