I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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