im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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