I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
