He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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