I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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