In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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