Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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