1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
