is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
