update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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