You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We left an ass print on the piano.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
