Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
