ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's never too late to be topless.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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