I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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