He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
