One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
