I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize