But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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