I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
