i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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