party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
